Why I LOVE Being an Aspie Parent

The other day I took my son NJ to the YMCA.


It was such a typical example of how amazingly cool aspie kids can be.


For starters, he really wanted them to turn on the giant water slide. So he asked me:


"Dad, can they turn on the water slide?"


See, here's the thing. Normally, I don't like to ask people for stuff like that. I don't like to "bother" people. I'm happy to cruise along, and half embarrassed to ask for stuff - unless I actually NEED it.


NJ doesn't have this hangup. He's very direct. And he's very confident. And as an aspie, he's also learning to communicate in a remarkably clear, simple way.


There's not a lot of beating around the bush.


Anyway, back to the story...


They were having a swimming class so I was like: "NJ, they're having a class. I don't think they can turn on the slide." He looked at me askance. "Okay, go ahead and ask, NJ. But please be polite if they can't do it."


So he swims away from me to the lifeguard stand. I see him talking with the lifeguard and gesticulating with his hands and negotiating (Jesus, this kid can NEGOTIATE!).


With aspie communication with neurotypicals, there's always a little question mark - how's this going to come out? The main thing I want to see NJ do is get his needs met through communication. And he's getting better at that every day.


In fact, his asperger's, I feel, actually removes some of the normal social fear and shyness a lot of kids have. If it's channeled and tempered by pride and social skills training, aspie kids can communicate very powerfully and directly.


I don't buy into this BS that aspies are doomed to a life of no socialization, no chances at leadership, and isolation. I guess it depends on the person, but NJ's not doomed to these things.


So I ask him: What did you say?


And he said, "He said he couldn't do it because there was a class. But it was okay. I said, 'Maybe after the class we can talk about it again.'"


I was like: "Wow, perfect NJ!" Meanwhile, I figured no slide.


But about 20 minutes later, the lifeguard sidles over to us and asks if he still wants to go on the slide. We say yes! The class had ended, so he turned on the big waterslide for NJ and this little girl who was there.


He and the girl, Anna, wound up going down this slide for about a half an hour.


I noticed that he would come down and then wait for her (only an Aspie parent can understand how happy this made me).


When I realized they were really going down together, and that they were talking on the walk back up the steps... and that NJ was really enjoying the hell out of playing WITH Anna (who was about two years older)...


Well, I was standing there with tears in my eyes.


These small victories are things most parents will never get to enjoy - not like aspie parents.


When I first learned of the aspie thing, I was really upset. I was devastated, to tell the truth.


We felt so isolated, so confused, so scared. I thought it was the worst thing that could have ever happened. There was denial, shame, etc.


Today, there's nothing but constant amazement, new challenges, and growth. Yes, every once in awhile there's some sense of longing for him not to have any challenges - to just coast through life. But then he does something that only an aspie kid would do - something absolutely freaking awesome - and I think: my son is perfect.