Starting to Feel It

Well, we're nearing the end of the 10-days-without-Mommy experiment.

And I must say, it has been instructive.

NJ is doing okay.  He's ready to see Mommy, but he's otherwise functioning pretty well.

I however am losing patience, alas.

One problem with an only child during summer, sometimes his friends go places.  Like Japan!

His closest playmate is currently in Japan for the summer, visiting his Mom's side of the family, and they won't be back for a couple months.  

His other closest friend, Derrick, has a sister at home to play with.  That coupled with the fact that Derrick's just come off his own grueling bout with summer camp (as a spectrum child, it's a little more taxing)... and his mother would presumably rather relax at home during the downtime this weekend... well, it's meant a lot of Daddy playtime.

Too much, actually.

While it was fun playing with my six-year-old the first, um, eight straight days or so... the past couple days have been a challenge.

You just get to the point where it's like... wow.  I can't be a six-year-old anymore.  He really needs to be around other kids.  

But it's the summer, so what to do?  

Well, we were going to go to the water park today.  But that plan got waylaid because Daddy had to clean the whole house.  We thought about hitting a movie and letting him go into the playroom, but he's complaining about that too.

Ugh.

So, well, I suddenly understand fully what single mothers are up against.  Especially single moms with aspies... and whose partners have moved to some other state or are otherwise not around to help.

Wow, now there's a recipe for the nut house, I assure you.  Being alone with a kid all day, every day, for days on end... without any other kids to take the pressure off.

But enough negative.

And now onto the positive... "Rod Roddy, tell them what they've WON!"

We're both still alive and basically healthy.  The house is clean and decorated for a little welcome home party for Mum.  Our teeth are brushed (finally).  The pool is not overflowing (anymore).  And things are more or less under control (for the moment).

But I am more convinced now than ever: aspie kids, like all kids, need to be around their own kind... KIDS.  

Even if they just play next to them, ignore them, whatever.  I don't think it's very healthy to basically give into the temptation to keep them always in their "comfort zone" (home, in front of the computer or playing on the bed).

It's time to push outward a little.  Always the pushing outward into the world, creating the world before you, and showing them how to do the same.  We need to get out there today, and we will somehow.  Hopefully the South Florida thunderstorms won't soak us, or blow us off the damn road.

Cabin fever has officially set in here.  And while we have learned we can survive without NJ's Mommy around, we certainly don't want to make a habit of it.

The Greatest Bumper Sticker Ever

I've seen some funny stuff at Cafepress.com.

But now I am happy to report, that I've seen something quite inspiring there, too.

It's the Aspie Pride bumper sticker!

I don't generally like bumper stickers, but this is one I might have to have.

If they would only get the URL correct! 

Just kiddin'...

Jay

Homeschooling and Asperger's - Does It Make Sense?

I was surfing the message boards at Wrong Planet the other day.

My question to the room was: Homeschooling, a good idea or not?  I specifically was referring to homeschooling through the junior high years.  This was far and away the worst time for me, in terms of bullying (7th grade was pure hell).

And from what I've read, bullying peaks then.

I received some very interesting responses, mostly from aspies.

The two main respondents were both homeschooled guys.  One was firmly in favor of homeschooling through junior high.  But he had a very interesting caveat: You MUST base it on the kid and his experience at school.  You don't need to preemptively take him out of public school if he's excelling there and getting along okay.

The other fellow was less supportive.  He felt that homeschooling has retarded his social development unduly.  However, he had been homeschooled the whole time.

"It took me years to make up for lost time," he said to me.

I guess we still have a few years left to ponder this question, but I am definitely keeping a close eye on NJ's social development, and watching for any telltale signs of bullying.  I will address any bullying directly and hopefully, with a measure of self-control.

Nothing gets my blood boiling more than the idea of someone picking on an innocent kid, especially mine.

So the homeschooling idea for aspies seems to be very much open for debate, from what I've heard so far.  I will continue research into this area and report back on whatever I find.

Peace,

Jay

Fishing... and Father's Day

I got the best gift a dad can get... and I got it one day early, on Saturday.

NJ caught his first fish.

It was about 13 inches.  Largemouth bass.  Real mean and nasty.

Thing fought like hell.  Zipping across the Florida lake behind my wife's house like some kind of Loch Ness Monster on crack.

Okay, I exaggerate.

But he did catch this beast, using live bait (shiners).  He reeled it in himself, and he even managed to release it properly back into the lake.  

As he cranked on his little-kid reel, he said: "I can't do it!"

I encouraged him on, and told him that if he could get it to the edge of the lake, I would help him land it. 

So he struggled and cranked, and the fish was fighting for dear life.

FLASHBACK: I was five years old, fishing with my Dad on the Chesapeake Bay.

We were trolling for bluefish.  He was driving our 19-foot inboard-outboard.

We were trolling surgical-tube lures through a patch of seagull-swarmed bay and suddenly, it hit.

"Grab it!" yelled Dad.

I did and started trying to reel.  It was a tremendous fight.  My arms were shaking.  I "couldn't do it" either. 

But like I knew, my Dad knew.

I could do it.  And I got it up to the boat, and Dad helped me land him.

Nate could do it.  And he got it up to the shoreline, and I helped him land the fish.

The fact that these two events were about 34 years apart only makes them both more amazing to me.  

Sometimes it feels like these stories, our lives, are being written by one hell of an author.  I certainly couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.  But I sure am thankful, not only for my experience with NJ this weekend...

But for my experience with Dad, and all the others to come.

Peace,

Jay

Guy Week

Well, it's official.

NJ's mom is on her way to Baltimore to embark on a 10-day cruise... to the Bahamas.

Which is somewhat odd because we live about 20 minutes from Bimini Island, in Palm Beach County.

That said, the next week and a half should be interesting.  No hand-offs.  No Mommy time.

NJ is six.  He doesn't understand why cruises are necessary at all, let alone ones that take his Mommy away for 10 days - the longest he'll have been without her since birth.

But I'm greatly looking forward to it.  

I think NJ and I really could use some "guy time."

Indeed, we've got some movie nights on tap.  We're hitting the water park on Saturday (hoping to wrangle his buddy Derrick into the trip - he's a great lad, who has been diagnosed PDD-NOS, Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified). 

Basically, it's a blanket diagnosis for high-functioning autism.  And he's indeed very high functioning.  

It was his mother who first told us about therapy group, which has made a remarkable difference in NJ's social skills already.

Regardless, we're getting into some of those fun summer days... splashing around in the pool... drinking bottomless glasses of iced tea... nibbling cookies... staying indoors during afternoon thunderstorms and watching SpongeBob Squarepants... reading... gaming... and continuing to do our best to branch out and make connections with other aspie/autism families.

I'm looking forward to some blessed time when I couldn't care less about autism, Asperger's, school rules, bullies, embarrassment, worry, the latest theories, or how we're possibly going to make it through.

We're going to just turn it all off for a few days.  And I plan on thoroughly enjoying my son - mano a mano.

When we're playing and hanging out, I'm not aware of anything needing my concern.  He's just NJ, and I'm just his Dad.  I know him so well, that he is absolutely "normal" to me.  And he's seeming a little more "normal" in the classic sense every day.  He's making more eye contact, having more conversations, playing with more of his peers.

But really, when you're at the Friendly's with a big Birthday Cake Friend-Z in front of you and an afternoon of nothing in particular to do after that... and you've got the most beautiful boy in the world... and you've got a little window of freedom, and a few bucks in your pocket for a movie... you realize... this journey is about more than Asperger's... it's about more than diagnoses and therapies and challenges.

It's about life... it's about love... it's about family.  And it can be heartbreakingly beautiful.

Peace,

Jay

Aspies and Bullying... My Greatest Fear as a Dad

It is my single biggest fear at the moment.

I'm talking about my son being bullied, especially when he reaches middle school.

The other day, I posted something on the Huffington Post, a response to a woman's article about AS.  She was jokingly comparing AS traits with typical male traits, and I differed from most of the commentators in that I actually found her piece amusing.

A few people tactfully told me that I was off base.  And one woman's comments hit home in particular. 

She said, in effect: Right now, it seems like this kind of stuff is acceptable and harmless.  But what will you say when your kid reaches middle school and is possibly the victim of bullying, ostracizing, etc.?

She made a good point.

As aspies get a little older, and into the teen years, it seems the relative isolation they can experience gets more acute and painful for some.  It can also lead to various forms of bullying.

And that possibility absolutely breaks my heart.

But then I thought about it and the question came to mind: "Now what?"

As in, what can worrying, being sad, feeling hopeless, ranting or any other negative attitude do to prevent my kid from being bullied?

While I might sound naive, I think that practically, it's naive to think that somehow a "victim" mindset will solve anything.

(As an aside... I don't know.  I'm still trying to sort out how I feel about humor and Asperger's. I would say that humor and Asperger's are fairly natural companions.) 

 

But I know that won't be everyone's cup of tea.  Some find it more sensible to maintain a seriousness at all times, lest they (or their loved one) let their guard down and get hurt.  And I think that we are at the very beginning stages of the civil rights movement for aspies.

But we're going to get hurt.  Our aspies will get hurt.

I know my kid will be bullied.  

So once I've acknowledged this sad fact, and gotten angry, and shaken my fist at God for it... then what?

How to cope with that?  Here are some early thoughts...

Solutions to the Bullying Problem... or at Least a Start

Talk to him, ask him specifically on a regular basis: Are there any kids bothering you at school? 

If it comes up, there are policies against bullying kids with any kind of disability in our school district: Palm Beach County.  More than that, you can file civil charges against the bully and his/her family, and against the school district itself if it fails to protect you aspie.

This is serious stuff.  I think we must continue to raise awareness and address this aspie/bullying thing head on.

It could be the single biggest problem our kids will face.  And I am serious about finding solutions, and helping to actively lower bullying rates for aspies and all kids.

That said, if we can't occasionally laugh at the world (including the lighter side of Asperger's) then we've already lost.

Peace,

Jay

Play Groups Can Help Aspie Kids Develop Social Skills

It's amazing how wrong people can be... even when they're really well intentioned.

I was sitting in the magazine section of the local Barnes & Noble not long ago, leafing through a copy of Baseball America.

The elderly lady next to me sat down next to her friend and I couldn't help noticing she was holding a magazine about autism.  

She said something to her friend about an article on Asperger's.  And they commenced to talking rather loudly (in that charming way only New England grandmothers can) about her grandson who was an aspie.

This was before NJ was officially diagnosed (but we already had him in a play group at an unbelievably effective, local therapy center for ADD and spectrum kids called Therapy Spot).

For some reason, I felt inclined to introduce myself.

"My son is an aspie," I offered.  "I can relate."

We began talking.  Clearly her grandson was the apple of her eye.  He was her favorite grandkid apparently.  "He's just my little special one," she said.

Then she went onto say: "All the play groups and therapy?  Forget it.  None of it makes a difference."  

She said this in the most loving, sensible-sounding way you can imagine.  And I believe she believed what she was saying.

I also believe she was totally, and completely, full of crap.

I told her about NJ's play group, and some of the truly cool stuff they were doing.  How they put them in a small room and forced them out of their aspie shells.

One of the most interesting exercises: having the kids pair off with a partner, then forcing them to draw a picture of the other kid, and talk about it afterwards.

Now that's some cool stuff - forcing them out of their comfort zone into an area of sharing.  

That's the only place where they can then experience the rewards of shared experience... rewards that are, hopefully, profound and fascinating enough to, eventually, make them want to come back for more.

That's exactly what has been happening with NJ.

At first, he hated play group.  He complained about going and didn't cooperate much while there.

But as he continued going back, week after week, he began opening up.  He would actually talk about the other kids there by name after the sessions, and even tell stories.

His play group therapists -- two incredible women named Monica and Ellen -- began telling stories of Nate's "awakening" in the group.  They were honest, too.  When he had bad days, they would tell us.  And they would tell us when he had an emergence into the group.

Actually, NJ's proclivity is to try to lead the group, to control the group.

That in itself can cause problems, which he then needs to learn to navigate.

The important part to me is that he has formed bonds with his group mates.  He has talked to me about these kids at night, in the hot tub, between gazing up at the stars and telling me truly ridiculously bad jokes.

One of the kids in his play group came over for a play date a few weeks ago.  

They had an absolute blast, playing in the bounce house, climbing up and down NJ's bunk bed ladder... making pizzas together in the kitchen.  

Yes, NJ still operates in his aspie way, and his buddy, Derrick, still has some classic PDD-NOS traits (although they're pretty slight at this stage, because he's been doing play therapy for years)...

But the bottom line is, they've become real friends.

The other day, I was walking NJ into class at his Montessori school.  From well behind us, coming up the sidewalk, I hear a cheerful kid's voice ring out in the morning sun: "Hey, there's my buddy NJ!"

I turned around, and it was Derrick.

And yes, I did have to say: "NJ, look who's here!" But he did turn around and greet his little pal, and once Derrick caught up with us, I stopped walking... and watched them walk through the gate and into school together.  They were talking about something, God knows what.

But I didn't care what.  They were talking.  

And without play group, I don't think it would have been possible.

Peace,

Jay

P.S. I highly recommend finding a local play group in your area, and get your aspie kid there once a week if at all possible.  A center run by autism/Asperger's experts is ideal, but lacking that... find other spectrum parents in your area, however you can, and set up weekly play dates with other kids.

Five Ideas to Get You Through the "Rough Days"

Being a parent involves rough days.

No matter how well behaved your kids are.   No matter what their level of giftedness or not.  No matter how patient you are.  No matter how loving your family.

We all have an occasional day where it's just damned hard to be a parent.  Where our kids are being jerks and testing us at every turn.  And we are coming up short.

Usually, I know I'm having a really bad day when I actually lose my temper with NJ.  This happens very rarely these days.  But when it does, I always feel so helpless.  I just want to scream and yell and throw a temper tantrum.

Indeed, some theorize that your author is an aspie as well!  And I don't deny there are certainly some eery similarities! 

But here are five little things to think about when you're going through such a day... when it seems like the ESE coordinator doesn't get your kid, and your kid doesn't get you, and you don't get his teacher, and the cable goes out so there's no Spongebob.

1. Some of the world's greatest humans were either diagnosed with Asperger's or have been posthumously associated with AS.  They include Albert Einstein, Thomas Jefferson, John Robison, Dan Akroyd and Bill Gates.  Yes, there are surely aspie morons out there, just as there are morons in every walk of life.  But I doubt your kid is one of them.

2. Aspies often tend to improve with age.  The traits naturally mellow as the person figures out the world on their own.

3. We are in a position to help, as parents, and it is an honor to do so... Remember when you were a kid, and what would have helped you during such difficult days.  If you could go back to a difficult day in your childhood and parent yourself, how would you talk to the little "you"?  What would you do or say to help little "you"?  Then do that with your little one.

4. There is a LOT of support out there for you.  Other parents of aspies or autistics, other parents in general... Psychologists, support groups, online groups, John Robinson's blog, Temple Grandin.  You name it.  Remember that all you need to do is start reaching out.  I hope this blog can be part of that support.  Check out the other resources for aspie parents and remember that you need support as much as your kid does.  

5. We are blessed to have kids with Asperger's.  They are extraordinary.  For every area where they might be behind their peers (team sports, socialization, etc.), they might be ahead in another area (individual sports, rugged individuality, native intelligence, creative thinking).

If you can think of any other inspirational thoughts you'd like to add to this list, please do.

When we have the hard days, the rough days, the main thing I try to do is keep an even keel and keep an eye out for signs of a benevolence beyond definition, and sometimes beyond my own human understanding.

Peace,

Jay

An Interesting Brunch...

So this morning, NJ and his mother and I decided to go grab some brunch at the local 50's diner, Ellie's.

Cute place. Our hostess, oddly, was the same woman who served NJ's hotdog at the beach yesterday. The hotdog that will always go down in our family history as infamous for first... claiming NJ's loose front tooth, and then accidentally putting it in my mouth when I tried to steal a bite of his dog later in the meal. (Story for another post.)

So we're just having our regular time with NJ. Now that he's six, he's pretty good in restaurants.

He was also playing some Sims on my Blackberry, and generally just being an agreeable little fellow.

At one point, he picks up a piece of bacon and goes into a hilarious story about "Oh no, the Horrible Bacon Monster is attacking the city." NJ's really into super heroes, rescue scenarios, good guys, bad guys and the like right now.

The woman in the booth behind us turned around and smiled.

So after the meal, Mel gets up to go to the bathroom. And this woman gets up and walks over to our table, and I'm like - oh crap. Here we go. She's a nice looking woman, probably late 40s. Shortish, curled brown hair, slender, mildly serious bearing. She kind of leans toward me and says:

"I hope I'm not out of line by saying this..."

I am thinking: Oh boy, Jay, just keep cool and listen. Just deal with it calmly.

And she says:

"I'm a school teacher and I just wanted to say: you guys are wonderful parents. The way you talk with him, and how well behaved he is... you just don't see that a lot anymore."

I almost fell out of the booth. I didn't know what to say.

I was like: "Wow, thanks so much." I asked her specifically what had impressed her, and she just said: "You have a really good way of talking to him, and you can see it in his behavior."

It flickered in my mind to tell her NJ's an aspie, but I thought: Why? Why not just accept the compliment and be grateful? Everything isn't about Asperger's all the time. Despite what you might see on this blog, I don't sit around thinking: hey, my aspie son just did that, hey my aspie son just did that.

I only write this way to relate to you more directly.

Meanwhile, when Mel came back to the table, I told her what had happened. And the lady made a point to tell Melissa herself as we got up to go.

She wasn't being weird or intrusive at all. She was very calm, and apparently impressed with our interaction with NJ. It was really something else.

It just proves how arming yourself with information about Asperger's... communicating closely with your kid... demanding politeness... making sure you're showing love... and a bit of luck (NJ's not always so polite in restaurants)... can go a looong way.

That said, it's definitely a journey. If you aren't having smooth mornings at the local diner with your kid, never fear. We used to endure those wacky outings with great regularity.

There was a time when I would be gulping down my grub, just hoping we didn't have a major incident. That was standard for lunch out with the boy.

Not any more, thank goodness.

But that could also just be a product of his maturation... and mine, too.

An Aspie Day at the Beach

Living in South Florida has its advantages - many.

Probably the main one for us is living near some truly remarkable beaches.

There's nothing quite like a good beach along A1A. In California, where I was born and raised, the beaches are breathtaking. And there are some truly world-class beaches there, from the broad, wide beaches along the southern coast to the cliff-bound, foggy numbers up north. Stunning.

But when it comes to a casual, hop out of the car and go swimming kind of beach, Florida has the best in the world.

So yesterday, NJ and I went to the beach for a few hours. It was our first time out there in awhile. We both love it.

NJ is turning into something of a big swimmer. He can fly! And he's now starting to swim in three dimensions - diving deep to catch rings, coins and the like.

Here I go again, bragging. Anyway...

So NJ was cruising around digging holes in the sand, swimming around in the waves. It was a perfect day. Blue, clear waters, sunny skies, a fresh breeze blowing.

And I saw NJ in the distance approaching a group of three older boys. These lads were probably between 8-10 years old, and they had built a giant hole. I saw NJ approach and just kinda watched. My breathing paused and went soft as I waited to see: would he be allowed to join them, or would he be turned away?

I saw him talking. I saw them listening. And then I saw them smiling.

They got it - this little guy is really smart and sounds like a tiny professor.

And they let him jump into the little sand pool they had dug out of the beach, and that was now filling intermittently with water.

NJ jumped in and played with them, digging around, just sitting there looking generally pleased. They were doing what they were doing. And all was well.

Eventually, storm clouds rolled in and everyone had to pack up and go.

And I must say, NJ wasn't carrying on long conversations with these kids. He wasn't forming some kind of lifelong bond with them. He wasn't organizing them into a new political party (although he would have loved to, a "kid's only" party of some sort no doubt).

But just making the effort, showing a willingness and taking the risk... those were hugely important.

And this time it worked out.

I've also seen it not work out. Once NJ asked a girl if he could borrow one of her shovels at the beach. She just looked at him rudely and pulled the shovel (an extra one!) near to her and wouldn't let him borrow it.

"Jerk!" I thought.

NJ didn't mind all that much. He just moved onto the next thing. I think I'm going to start talking to him about this kind of stuff. Sometimes kids will respond positively, sometimes they won't. Their reaction doesn't matter as much as your willingness to continue learning how to communicate with them on their level... and that you keep trying.

He's so worth it, and he's got so much to offer.

Peace,

Jay

Aspies and Rudeness - NOT Two Great Tastes that Go Great Together

Rudeness.

Is there ever an excuse?

I imagine some would say yes. If a kid has AS, you've got to give him a break. It's possible that he's naturally willful, self-oriented, and not very considerate of other people's feelings.

Hey, he's an aspie - he can't help it!

BULL.

There's never an excuse for a child being rude, to adults, teachers, parents, or other kids.

NJ is naturally a very compassionate kid. Like all aspies, he has some of the classic traits, but he also lacks some of the other classic traits.

For example, NJ likes to monologue. He loves to talk. Sometimes, he's still pretty one-sided in his conversations.

He's also something of a control freak. He likes to be in charge. He likes to give orders and arrange the puzzle pieces (and sometimes the people) in the way he deems most satisfying.

Some of this is aspie stuff - some of it is merely inherited from his mom and dad.

Mel and I are both control freaks! So does that mean we passed along those genes to NJ? Probably. Sometimes, the line between simple inheritance and "aspergian" behavior patterns blurs. I tend to think (just guessing) that our son's aspie diagnosis is the result of genetic alchemy more than some external factor.

He's just got a certain mixture of our genes, and that mixture has created an incredible little person who can be alternately stubborn, selfish, loving, gentle, snuggly, imperious, brilliant, original, surprising, bold, assertive, awkward, maddening... In other words, he's human.

But regardless, there's one thing we will not tolerate, and that is old-fashioned rudeness.

If he's rude, we correct him immediately - and make sure he understands that it's not acceptable. If he continues (say, badgering his mother), then we use the 1-2-3 Magic method, which has been a lifesaver.

When the infraction begins, you simply give a warning. Then you say:

"That's 1."

If he continues:

"Okay, that's 2."

If he continues:

"Okay, that's 3... You get a time-out."

We've just switched from time-outs being the big ramification, to "no more Nintendo today."

You better believe that gets his attention.

Anyway, one of our main hopes is that NJ integrates reasonably well into society in general. We believe he will find his niche. But we also believe that being part of society means you must understand the importance of politeness.

Temple Grandin, the amazingly talented and beautiful writer, speaker and humane farming engineer, says that rudeness should NEVER be tolerated. We should never make excuses for our aspies.

And I am beginning to understand that the reason we can't let them get away with it is... we love them too much.

Why I Consider Tony Atwood the Leading Asperger's Expert

As an aspie parent, I've read tons of books about Asperger's Disorder.

Some of them, I have simply thrown away.  They're full of categorical statements, overgeneralizations, and lots of doom and gloom parading around as "let's get real" honesty.

Beware of writers and "experts" who talk in categoricals.

In other words, making statements like:

Asperger's teens can't make friends.  They lack the social skills required.

Instead, look for writers who understand that there are as many different definitions of "Asperger's" as there are people who have Asperger's.  In other words, look at the individual, not the diagnosis.  The diagnosis and formal definitions of Asperger's should only inform the way you approach the individual.

One aspie might actually be great at sensing other peoples' emotions, while another is less aware, emotionally.  The mixture of traits, the degree each expresses itself, and how they all work together with the person's basic personality mean generalizations are dangerous when it comes to working with aspies.

Writer Tony Atwood is careful never to make generalizations.  

He will write something like:

Many AS individuals have difficulty with maintaining friendships.  

That's very different from some writers, who say things like:

AS sufferers lack the ability to form friendships.

Atwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome is far and away the best book I have read on the subject.  It's comprehensive, rationale, yet the underlying tone is therapeutic and hopeful.  At least that was my take.

Atwood seems like a fascinating guy in general.  He's a former Brit who now lives in Brisbane, Autstralia.  He runs a clinic for AS people.  

And he's a huge Brian Wilson fan!

If you're an aspie parent, I strongly suggest you get to know Atwood's work.  He's amazing.  I believe he's a true advocate for understanding AS, and for helping the world to understand as well.

Much more to come on Tony and his work in the future.

In the meantime, if you're reading a book about AS and find yourself getting depressed, you might consider throwing it away - like I did!  

Signs Your Kid Might Be an Aspie

Amazing.

Looking back, the signs were there. But since aspies look normal, behave normally (whatever that means) and often are highly intelligent, they're easy to miss.

For example.

When NJ was a toddler, he was fascinated by... toilets.

In any restaurant, he'd want to go to the bathroom.

"Daddy, let's go to the bathroom."

"Okay NJ, you gotta go?"

"Yeah."

So we'd shoulder past the patrons, the waitstaff and push into the restroom.

And NJ would walk up to the toilet and flush it.

"NJ?"

No response.

"NJ? Do you actually NEED to use the bathroom?"

"No."

"What kind of toilet is that, NJ?"

"It's an Elger."

Three more flushes. "Okay, let's get back to the table and finish lunch!"

Hmm.

I guess it should have been "obvious" - but I just thought he was fascinated by toilet technology and branding. A budding plumbing mogul. (Parents...)

Today, it's Spongebob, video games, reading Captain Underpants and swimming at the YMCA. In fact, while he does have passions (special interests, as they call them), they are many. And they don't include all things toilet...

Although I must admit, NJ does LOVE potty humor.

Just like his dad.

An Aspie Milestone - Kindergarten Graduation

This morning, I had the experience of watching NJ graduate from the local kindergarten.

He goes to public school, and the teachers the ESE folks there are incredible.

NJ functions very well in class, although he kinda complains a lot sometimes. He's rather be home - but so would a lot of kids.

Anyway...

As an aspie, NJ sometimes has trouble following the rules. He doesn't see the need to march in lockstep, for example. He marches to the beat of his own drummer, in his head, and with his feet sometimes too.

So I said a little prayer beforehand: "God, please just let me accept whatever happens. And please help me stay in my seat if NJ does something goofy, like grabbing the microphone and telling everyone about Spongebob's latest adventure!"

Well I am happy to report that NJ did a fantastic job. He followed the whole procedure to the nose, and when he was handed his certificate, he began reading it right away.

He was so proud when he came over to show us after. And yes, he did walk away from the group to do so, but at that point we didn't really care.

He went right back over and got into the class picture. And he also graduated beside two little friends - Declan and Rohan - who he has forged actual friendships with this year. They've had playdates, they call each other friends, they share stuff, and we also happen to like the parents a lot. That helps.

So NJ, our six-year-old aspie, graduated. And he did it alongside two friends. While aspies do have difficulty making friends at first, they can do it. Just patience, opportunities, repeated exposure and like-minded kids will help your little one forge even a "mini friendship".

And that's the start right there.

HOOK UP with other parents, both of aspies and autistics, and neurotypicals. Branch out. Do NOT let AS isolate your child, your family, or you. That is a big mistake in my opinion.

John Robison, aspie author of the bestseller "Look Me in the Eye" said that the first seven years or so were very important. His mother kind of forced him to open up to the outside world with playgroups, social groups, etc. He said in his book that he could have gone either way - so let's keep in mind that we CAN influence how our aspies progress. (Robison's book is must-read, whether your an aspie family or not.)

It's a balancing act - keep expectation down, but hopes high. And do the work, and don't accept the idea that your aspie can't make friends, can't play an important part in his school, or can't indeed surpass his peers in many ways.

In fact, a local kid here in Palm Beach County - an aspie - just graduated his high school class.

He was the valedictorian.

There is hope. And more.

Jay