More Similar than Different

It's so easy to assume that aspies are "fundamentally different" somehow.

And perhaps there's a little truth in that.

But I am starting to realize that these kinds of generalizations are simply that - generalizations.

And as such, they are best taken with a reasonably large grain of salt.

I just spent some time in Baltimore on assignment for work.  In the evenings, I was able to visit some old friends, and their kids.  

It was a delight visiting with them, and catching up on Ye Olden Tymes.  

I had forgotten "therapeutic screaming" atop that hill on the outskirts of campus... 

Teaching my old roommate's nephews how to swear without really swearing... 

Watching a strange college-newspaper buddy eat a montecristo sandwich at 2 a.m. back in '92.

Various scenes of unwarranted nudity with the rugby team...

But the greatest joy of my visit was interacting with their kids.  

He's about 2 and she's almost 5.  And they're both amazingly cute, bright and inquisitive.

I took notice of what they were noticing around them.  They were picking up leaves for awhile, and pressing them into water and making leaf prints on the pavement of the patio.  They were picking up little pieces of dirt and who-knows-what and presenting them to us, with their commentary as to what these things might be.  (Usually, it was "bug" for the little guy.)

We had an absolute ball.

And not once during all of this did either of them ask me how I was doing, or say good morning, or even say hello to me.  They said goodbye after prompting.  All "normal" stuff.

Of course, NJ didn't used to ask me how I was doing when he was their age.  

Nor did he say hello to me when he was 2 or almost 5.  And it's very easy to attribute these things to Asperger's.  

Yet... and yet...

It probably wasn't Asperger's.  At least based on what I have been observing in other children his age, of late.

In fact, he probably wasn't asking me about my day, etc., because he was too young to give a hoot.  I'm not pretending that he wasn't displaying differences in the way he interacted with his peers, to be sure.  But the fact that he wasn't debriefing me about my day at the office, or taking notes while I talked about my car troubles, probably was not a sign of impending AS-related disaster.

Besides, NJ is now six years old.  I have heard that the effects of Asperger's often diminish with age.  I'm am already seeing some truth to that, especially when it comes to overt expressions of compassion for others.

This morning, I awoke and asked him how he was doing.  

He said he was good, and added: "How are you doing, Dad?"

I told him I was doing good.  But he had no idea how much his question affected my answer.

In fact, he's been asking me to read with him, to look at his games, to do stuff with him... and he's doing it all the time now.  He invites me to stay over at his mother's house (egad!), and generally shows signs of a compassionate, caring kid all around.

Yesterday, he even shared a gummy candy without prompting.

He's come so far, thanks to getting a little older, and thanks to a lot of good play therapy.

In fact, I have come to understand that aspies are indeed more similar to other kids than different.  It's just that differences stand out more than similarities.  

Also, some of the differences are advantages.  

Let's keep the candle of faith burning that they'll be able to turn those advantages into happy, successful, fulfilling lives.

Peace.