Catching Butterflies

Today, NJ caught two butterflies in his net.

He ran along the edge of the lake behind his mother's house.  He swooped and darted.  He ran into the water's edge.  He ran back up on the grassy shore.  

He caught two butterflies and watched them.

I think they were trying to hump, actually.

And then, just like that, they took off.

First Day of School

Well, he survived.

And so did his parents.

Today was NJ's first day of first grade - real school.

He's got science lab, social studies, the whole thing.

And... he's riding the bus.

He apparently had a relatively stress-free day in class.  It helped that one of his buddies, Derrick, is in the same class.  There is also apparently a pretty girl named Christina ("I liked her name, but she didn't sit at my table," NJ told me wistfully... Yeah, get used to it kid.  That's why you gotta walk around a little bit and... visit other tables!)

Anyway.

He also managed to navigate taking the bus for the first time ever, by himself.  And there were transfers both going and returning to the bus stop!

No problem for NJ.

Even though Mommy tried to pick him up in the wrong line and, after a minor panic attack, figured out that the bus dropped off at a different traffic circle!

Anyway, all's well that ends well.

And today his executive functioning seemed to be adequate, if not superb.

More to come.

Peace.

Aspies and Compassion... Some Surprising "Data"

One of the supposed traits of Asperger's folk is their lack of ability in the area of compassion.

But there's a growing sense that many aspies are, in fact, almost overly compassionate.  It's just that they sometimes lack the right words or appropriate gestures to confidently relate their sense of feeling for someone else.

Case in point...

Today we were at the beach.  NJ was riding some serious rip curls tearing down the eastern coast of South Florida.  Afterwards, we showered at the beach showers and began toweling off.  A lady walked up to the shower and attempted to turn it on using the metal button.  

She couldn't get it to fire up.  And the thing is kind of hard to operate.  You really have to lean into this button for some reason.

NJ noticed this and immediately - without thinking about it - walked over and said: "I'll help."

She stood aside as this little six-year-old pushed the button and then held it on for her while she rinse the sand off!

"What a little gentleman," she said.  Her friends seemed very amused, too, at the thoughtfulness of this little boy.  

On our walk to the bus stop, NJ noticed a plastic grocery bag on the ground near the beach pavilion.  He picked it up, without being prompted, and ran over to throw it in the trash.  A friendly rogues gallery of Florida beach bums stood by watching, and all thanked him as he returned to me.

It seems that wherever he goes, he is dialed in - in his own way - to what's going on around him.

The key to me as a parent is to notice those connections and to encourage him to continue with them. 

Part of making your way in society is finding your niche.  

Being helpful, pitching in without being asked... that's a good niche.

Now, you can take that too far, of course!  

You don't want a codependent little guy running around trying to save everyone.

But I see signs that NJ is brimming with compassion - and they're in his actions as much, or more, than in his words.

That's where they count, anyway.

Peace.

NJ Finds an Aspie Role Model?

So I've spent a few posts gushing about super cool people with AS.

Here's why I think it's important to keep telling these stories, and sharing them with our aspie kids.

I was showing NJ's mother the ESPN video about Clay Marzo - the world-beating pro surfer whose intensely focused personality has rocketed him to the top of his sport.

While she was watching, NJ ambled over to check it out.

He watched Clay ripping up these massive waves off the shores of Maui.

Even though NJ isn't a surfer - yet - he was clearly impressed.

I told him the young man's name.

And that was about all. We haven't sat NJ down and talked about what Asperger's means or anything. Seems like too heavy of a concept for right now.

Anyway, later we were swimming in the pool and NJ starts balancing with one foot on his floating pool mat. He was telling me, "Watch me, Daddy." He then went through a series of "tricks"... closing his eyes, no hands, the whole bit.

I told him I was going surfing this weekend (they give free lessons in Deerfield Beach, near my house).

And I told him if I liked it, I would start taking him out with me.

"Like Clay Marzo!" he said.

Exactly, I said, surprised he remembered (when will I stop being surprised at amazing things NJ does?).

I told him that Clay and him shared similar personalities in a lot of ways.

"Did he have to go to Therapy Spot?" he asked, referring to the play group he attends, often under protest.

"He did," I fudged. "He had to do all the testing and all that stuff too. He found something he loves to do, and he's doing it. You can do the same thing."

I know I was treading a fine line. You don't want to set up unrealistic expectations.

But again, I've already given NJ permission to fail.

But I won't give him permission to not try.

I love him too much for that.

The Aspie "Babe Parade" Continues...

Not long ago, a young woman named Heather made it into the final five on America's Next Top Model.

Apparently, aspies have a knack for winning reality TV talent contests, or at least doing very well in them.

Heather is on the spectrum - the beautiful end.

Her story captivated much of America for weeks as she ascended the ladder of competition on the televised docudrama. 

I'm sensing a trend here.  As people are being diagnosed with Aspergers more frequently, and at a younger age, we're very likely to meet countless Heathers in the future.

Isn't it pretty to think so?

Another Aspie Hero

This is getting ridiculous.

I think I'm going to start a special section on this blog called:

The Aspie Heroes Gallery

If I do, one of the names will likely be Scott James.

He's a young singer from England who is apparently very, very talented.

So talented that he caused Simon Cowell's jaw to drop in awe.

Here's a sample of this guy singing - it'll knock your socks off.

If you know of any other people to add to this list, please send me the info!

Permission to Dream Big... Granted

I was dropping NJ off this morning at his therapy summer camp.  Afterwards, I bumped into a couple moms of other boys attending the camp.

We had a wide-ranging conversation about our kids and their schools.  NJ is classmates with Jason, another kid in his camp class.  They both attend a local magnet Montessori program and so far, so good.

Anyway, getting off the topic here...

What really got my ears perked up was Kathy's story about an emerging professional surfer on the world scene.

This kid's name is Clay Marzo (pictured at right).

Perhaps the greatest pro surfer of all times, Kelly Slater, says nobody in Clay's under-20 age bracket even comes close to Clay's talent, creativity and instincts riding the waves.

That's akin to Hank Aaron heaping praise upon a Major League rookie. 

Clay doesn't do a lot of talking, because he generally talks only when he's got something to say.  Nor does he bother much with trying to be popular, although his tousled blond hair, blue eyes and athletic surfer's physique are apparently appealing to the fairer sex.

The 19-year-old Hawaiian native could be the next big star to emerge from the world or professional surfing.  He already has a slew of endorsements.  He's been recently featured on ESPN and several magazines.

Clay's story is sweeping the country right now.

And two years ago, Clay was diagnosed with Asperger's.

I know this is an emerging trend - great stories of aspies absolutely kicking butt in life "despite their disability."  And I have read message board posts from aspies and their parents discouraging the idea of pointing to aspie heroes as role models - because not every aspie or spectrum person can discover the theory of relativity... or found Microsoft... or whatever.

But in this case, it appears to be Clay's personality - his classic aspie personality - that is leading to his success.

He apparently can ride the waves for eight hours straight.  He has peerless focus during competitions.  His riding style adheres to no formalities, and appears completely original and nonconformist.

To me these things are all potential benefits.  

And they remind me of the fact that Asperger's is a diagnosis, not a sentence.  

There's no reason to think that an aspie can't do any damn thing he wants to do.  If he wants to try, let him try.  If he fails, well, he fails.  What is so horrible about failing every once in awhile?  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and this is especially true when we're trying to teach any kid how to take intelligent risks.

I would rather err on the side of risk-taking, and teaching him that he is not his failure or success... but his character and his effort.

Knowing that NJ will likely fail at many things (we all do), I recently sat him down and looked him square in the eye.  He had had a hard day at school.  He hadn't wanted to do his math, because it was "hard," he said.

But his actual math ability is significantly advanced, according to his IQ tests.  Suspecting that he didn't want to do his math because it wasn't easy, and he was afraid of failing, I looked him right in the eye and said...

"Daddy gives you permission to fail."

I felt really good saying it for some reason.  And I don't even really know where it came from.

I just wanted him to know that he can try anything and failing is acceptable.  I did tell him that saying "I can't do it" before you've tried is unacceptable. 

My point being, I think it's okay to point to guys like Clay as role models, and to let our guys and girls dream big.

We simply don't know what they can do with the right psychological foundation, lots of love and some good therapy.

They might not turn out to be the next Clay Marzo... Bill Gates... or Albert Einstein... 

But they have a better chance of becoming the best version of themselves in the end...

Peace.