4 Reasons Scouting is Good for Aspergian Kids (And a Fifth Even More Important One)

Last night was the big Halloween party for Pack 308 (the Cub Scout pack for Palm Beach County, Florida).

NJ was in rare form. Dressed as a pirate, he was making the rounds, yarring the face off anyone in his path... running from some very adorable little-girl witches. (He let himself get caught rather quickly, I noticed).

And this night was actually an important one in more ways than fun. (Mwahaha.)

Along with 21 other new Cub Scouts in Palm Beach, NJ was to receive his Bobcat Badge.

This little powder-blue patch features, as you might imagine, a small bobcat embroidered into it. It's the first patch you earn in Scouting. And as his primary scout parent, I pinned his patch on his chest - upside down, as is the rule. I then informed him that he could turn it right-side up, after he did one good deed.

Receiving their badges at the same ceremony was his best friend Darren. Two of his other more casual buddies got theirs, too.

And it was just another chance to get all the fellows together, in proximity.

Mere proximity might seem inconsequential. ("I need my boy to have FRIENDS, dammit. And LOTS of close ones! Thousands would be good. But I'll settle for a dozen intimate pals.")

But to me, consistent, repeated proximity even to peer-aged *potential* friends is vital... especially potential friends with similar challenges, such as ADHD, High Functioning Autism, etc. If they're not around other kids, how will they EVER have a chance to form even the most casual of bonds?

And to me, a casual bond is better than none. It's all about degrees. And any degree is good. And you gotta start somewhere.

Which brings me to why I think scouting (Brownies, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Sea Scouts, you name it) can be extremely beneficial to some Aspergians.

1) Proximity: Scouting gets your kid around other kids in a semi-intimate setting that is almost all about fun. NJ's "Den" - the smallest organized group within the Cub Scout structure - has about six other boys in it. It gets him around these guys, and in doing so, he's formed some casual new buddies whom he's run around with, wrestled with and joked with. Scouting also gives them something in common - automatically! NJ's buddy Darren said to him when they met at their first meeting: "Hey, Scouting buddy!" (I LOVE the way Aspergians communicate sometimes...)

2) The right blend of predictability and fun... Scouting features a very well defined system where scouts know what's expected... they know the rules. They know what they need to do to earn the various rewards (badges, belt loops, etc.). And there's also ceremonies starting meetings, etc. It suits the desire a lot of Aspergians have for order, predictability, etc.

3) It appeals to their innate sense of justice and doing what's right... Many Aspergians have a very well defined sense of right and wrong, of what is just and what isn't. There's a nice moral component to scouting that isn't religious or dogmatic, but based on basic love for your fellow human, and for yourself.

4) It gets 'em away from the video games! This one is self explanatory, but basically scouting provides a lot of opportunities for outdoor activity. And when they play football, etc., it's very casual and fun. At the end of the Den soccer match, each boy got to line up and kick the ball in the goal at least once! Very cool.

So... Now that NJ's a Bobcat, he's got one more thing in common with all the other boys in his Den. Him and Darren can now compare each other's badges, climb the ranks and and go through the trials, tribulations and triumphs together.

Their bond will, hopefully, deepen through the experience. As will his bond with another important person who I hope he continues to bond with... another Bobcat, as it turns out.

I'm talking about his Daddy, of course. Yours truly. Proud former member of Den 13, Pack 301... Sonoma, California, 1976-78.

Peace.

Kid Says the Darndest Things...

Funny things NJ has said lately...

"Because I didn't want you to miss it!" (said earnestly when I asked why he had to say "Look, Dad, there goes a pretty girl!" really loud...)

"Ah, let's just take the car, like a couple of real Livingston men..." (when I asked him if we should walk to the beach or drive...)

"Did you hear about the gold fish that went bankrupt? Now he's a bronze fish."

"Good, but my pockets are full of sand..." (reply to a couple nice ladies who asked how he was doing when we were leaving the beach)

"Take the word 'egg' out..." (brilliant suggestion when I was writing about my lack of enthusiasm for egg nog on Facebook... it made my update post about 10 times funnier to call it "nog" instead of "egg nog")

Teacher Conference... Ugh? Nah!

So I was kinda wondering... what would NJ's new first grade teacher have to say at our first "official" meeting?

Last week, she'd sent home a note with something about him not meeting his grade-level expectations for paying attention and group cooperation.

Let the games begin. Making matters worse was the fact that I was heading into this meeting on one cup of coffee.

Just not fair.

I had already prepared myself - don't react, no matter what. Take a breath and respond. Explain what Aspergers is. Patiently listen. Ignore urge to snap pencil in hand and breath angrily through the nose.

Here's what really happened.

NJ's mother and I came into the classroom to meet his teacher. He went over to the reading area and grabbed a book, asking the teacher politely if he could read one of the "big books" on the top shelf.

And Mrs. P began to tell us about NJ's problems...

- He was reading at least two grades above his class

- He was doing GREAT at math! This was shocking because he says he hates math all the time

- He was "interacting socially very well" - an opinion that was shared by the school's ESE coordinator, and his other teacher - this was unsolicited by the way

- He did have a bad day on Monday

In fact, there was nothing too negative - like, at all.

Of course, there were usual observations you would have expected. He's opinionated. He has an attitude sometimes. He did have to have a "quiet lunch" for three days in a row. That's where you can't talk during lunch. Because he'd been disrespectful. But since then, he'd shaped up and was doing fine again.

As we left the class, NJ had fallen into conversation with Megan and Darren, the two kids HE calls his friends... I say HE because I really care more about who he thinks of as friends, and why he thinks of them as friends, than who I think are his friends. (There is at least one boy I think he should like, but he just doesn't seem to agree.)

Again, the lesson is: Try to avoid expectations, good or bad.

But it's just getting more and more difficult. Because I'm starting to expect good things.

Can that really be bad?

Are Aspergians Natural Salesmen?

This weekend, NJ was voluntold to sell popcorn for the Cub Scouts at the local mall here in sunny (alright, sweating and stinking) Boynton Beach, Florida.

I was wondering how he would do.

I gave NJ a 1-minute pep talk and told him what to say: "Hi, would you like to buy some popcorn to benefit the scouts?"

He repeated it back to me a couple times. I told him the prices. And basically, he grabbed a couple of bags of "product" and darted out into the crowd of mall lopers.

I watched in stunned amazement - and amusement.

NJ would literally walk right up in front of a whole group of people - no matter their age, nationality or scent - and give them his pitch.

He developed this totally on his own, and on the fly.

Sometimes people would keep walking, and in those cases, he would walk backwards. He would continue talking to them about how fresh and great the popcorn was. It was only one dollar, etc. Sometimes he'd have to give up.

I kept reminding him to say "thanks, anyway," when this happened.

But more than half the time, I'd say, they were absolutely bowled over by this kid.

So self possessed, so persistent. So polite, and knowledgeable!

Yes, yes. He's my son, I would say.

One lady followed him back to the table to give a donation. She didn't even like or want the popcorn, but she was so bowled over by this kid, she had to give something.

"You are the best sales person I have ever met. Period! And I mean that. This kid is amazing. What's your name?" Etc. She went on and on. And I could tell she was a tough New York dame from the old school. She didn't seem one to hand out compliments lightly.

But frankly, lots of people had this same reaction. They were practically throwing money at the lad and smiling as they did it.

I believe it was partially his AS traits that helped him succeed:

- Persistence (er, perseverance)

- Lack of reading social cues (he didn't sense when people were trying to blow him off... he just kept on going... and they were eventually blown away by his dogged persistence)

- Intelligence (he had all the facts down cold, the prices, the products, the reason for the sale itself, etc.)

- Politeness (NJ is very polite, and a little formal-sounding sometimes in his expressions, adding to that "polite" sense)

- Really damn cute

I think these traits probably describe a lot of Aspergian kids.

Sure, they might seem a little eccentric, but as long as we imbue them with confidence, they'll have the chance to surprise. Some are more high-functioning than others, I understand. But the question isn't how high functioning is my child - it's how high functioning can he be? And in some cases, I am sure it's higher than "average" kids.

NJ continues to surprise whenever I give him the chance.

All I need to do is keep loving him (impossible not to do)... keep believing in him... and staying out of his way!

If salesmanship is a huge part of success in life, he's got a good chance at succeeding... at whatever he chooses to do.

Peace.