A Method to Get an Aspie to Do Something He Might Not Want to Do

I've always had dreams of being a father... probably starting in childhood, actually.

Among them has been "having a catch," in Field of Dreams parlance.

Well, as it so happens, getting NJ to "have a catch" can be like opening a really fresh Chincoteague oyster. He resists and you can get to feeling pretty clumsy by trying to get him to open up to the activity.

But I simply insist that my boy plays some form of baseball with me. Dammit, I helped to change his first poopy diaper. I walked the wooden floors of our Annapolis craftsman till 3 a.m., night after night... with him in the baby sling. Because he did NOT appreciate stillness when he was trying to get his beauty sleep.

My point being, the boy OWES it to me (I know, I know... it must be a guy thing).

So I took NJ down to the local Sports Authority to buy a bunch of plastic baseballs and a practice bat. We also bought him a glove.

And it was down to the local park to start a'practicin'.

As I coached and cajoled, he would tighten up. I would back off. And try coaching a little more. He kind of took to it, and began bapping the balls pretty good. Our last round he hit about 75% of the balls - including some admittedly unofficial "home runs."

But his patience wore thin. He kept asking: Do I HAVE to practice? I would simply say, Yes, NJ, you do. Let's keep hitting.

We did a little more and took off before he soured on the whole experience...

Fast forward one week...

We're in the back yard.

Round 2 of the Cal Ripken Jr. Father-Son Instructional League Playoffs 2010!

Except this time, NJ loses patience very quickly. After just a few swings, he started asking when it was going to end.

We had been playing "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" on the Wii beforehand. And he wasn't pleased with being pried away from the game.

So I told him: "Hey, let's pretend the balls are gummy bears... and your bat is a Hot Enougher!"

A bit of background... In the video game, the character uses a kind of torch (the Hot Enougher) to melt gummy bears.

His eyes lit up and he was INSTANTLY transformed into a willing participant. It was amazing!

"What's that?" he would ask about the ball in my hand.

"This is a gummy bear!"

"And who's it going to attack?"

"It's attacking Sam!" (a character in the game).

"Here comes! Look out Sam!"

Dad throws ball. Um, gummy bear.

Kid WHACKS ball with bat. I mean, with the Hot Enougher.

And the thing goes flying.

Pitch after pitch, we repeated the same process. I played into HIS interest and turned our practice session into a real game, with imagination, with fluidity... and tailored to where his mind really wanted to be at that moment.

I actually wound up being the one to shut it down. He would have kept on hitting into the twilight. And what was weird was, he was easily hitting balls he would have missed before... and really roping them well over my head.

I learned something. While we often point out how Aspies don't think enough about what other people are thinking... I sometimes don't have enough consideration for what HE'S thinking.

It's so easy to write it off as some kind of "special interest" that I shouldn't get caught up in - or that I should perhaps even discourage.

BS. Nonsense.

He's got a right to his thoughts, even his little obsessions.

We all have them. Except in adults, and with certain popular interests, we usually call them passions.

I learned I can play to NJ's passions, and meet him halfway.

And somewhere in the middle, we can have a LOT more fun than we would have staying in our own little worlds.

Peace.