Play Groups Can Help Aspie Kids Develop Social Skills

It's amazing how wrong people can be... even when they're really well intentioned.

I was sitting in the magazine section of the local Barnes & Noble not long ago, leafing through a copy of Baseball America.

The elderly lady next to me sat down next to her friend and I couldn't help noticing she was holding a magazine about autism.  

She said something to her friend about an article on Asperger's.  And they commenced to talking rather loudly (in that charming way only New England grandmothers can) about her grandson who was an aspie.

This was before NJ was officially diagnosed (but we already had him in a play group at an unbelievably effective, local therapy center for ADD and spectrum kids called Therapy Spot).

For some reason, I felt inclined to introduce myself.

"My son is an aspie," I offered.  "I can relate."

We began talking.  Clearly her grandson was the apple of her eye.  He was her favorite grandkid apparently.  "He's just my little special one," she said.

Then she went onto say: "All the play groups and therapy?  Forget it.  None of it makes a difference."  

She said this in the most loving, sensible-sounding way you can imagine.  And I believe she believed what she was saying.

I also believe she was totally, and completely, full of crap.

I told her about NJ's play group, and some of the truly cool stuff they were doing.  How they put them in a small room and forced them out of their aspie shells.

One of the most interesting exercises: having the kids pair off with a partner, then forcing them to draw a picture of the other kid, and talk about it afterwards.

Now that's some cool stuff - forcing them out of their comfort zone into an area of sharing.  

That's the only place where they can then experience the rewards of shared experience... rewards that are, hopefully, profound and fascinating enough to, eventually, make them want to come back for more.

That's exactly what has been happening with NJ.

At first, he hated play group.  He complained about going and didn't cooperate much while there.

But as he continued going back, week after week, he began opening up.  He would actually talk about the other kids there by name after the sessions, and even tell stories.

His play group therapists -- two incredible women named Monica and Ellen -- began telling stories of Nate's "awakening" in the group.  They were honest, too.  When he had bad days, they would tell us.  And they would tell us when he had an emergence into the group.

Actually, NJ's proclivity is to try to lead the group, to control the group.

That in itself can cause problems, which he then needs to learn to navigate.

The important part to me is that he has formed bonds with his group mates.  He has talked to me about these kids at night, in the hot tub, between gazing up at the stars and telling me truly ridiculously bad jokes.

One of the kids in his play group came over for a play date a few weeks ago.  

They had an absolute blast, playing in the bounce house, climbing up and down NJ's bunk bed ladder... making pizzas together in the kitchen.  

Yes, NJ still operates in his aspie way, and his buddy, Derrick, still has some classic PDD-NOS traits (although they're pretty slight at this stage, because he's been doing play therapy for years)...

But the bottom line is, they've become real friends.

The other day, I was walking NJ into class at his Montessori school.  From well behind us, coming up the sidewalk, I hear a cheerful kid's voice ring out in the morning sun: "Hey, there's my buddy NJ!"

I turned around, and it was Derrick.

And yes, I did have to say: "NJ, look who's here!" But he did turn around and greet his little pal, and once Derrick caught up with us, I stopped walking... and watched them walk through the gate and into school together.  They were talking about something, God knows what.

But I didn't care what.  They were talking.  

And without play group, I don't think it would have been possible.

Peace,

Jay

P.S. I highly recommend finding a local play group in your area, and get your aspie kid there once a week if at all possible.  A center run by autism/Asperger's experts is ideal, but lacking that... find other spectrum parents in your area, however you can, and set up weekly play dates with other kids.